I would love to say that with being independent comes bravery. Ok, there are some types of bravery that come with it but there is one type of bravery that I am seriously lacking. The ability to be brave enough to risk my heart again.
I loved once. And had my heart ripped out and stomped on viciously. I thought I was going to die from the physical pain of it. But, I didn't. I survived with the help of wonderful family and friends and an awesome therapist.
But I am scared, no make that terrified, to let someone into my heart again. I have a couple of friends who recently have experienced heart breaks yet they are willing to put their hearts out there to find love again. Why can they be brave where I can't?
My friends were teasing me that all I wanted was a boy-toy where they were looking for love. They are right. A boy-toy is safer in many ways, for my heart at least.
She asked me wouldn't it be nice to have someone to do things with, to spend time with and someone who cares about you. Someone who is more than a sex toy. Now, after thinking about it, yes, it would be nice to have all that. But can I be brave enough to let someone that far into my heart and eventually my soul?
I am a strong person who survived. And who's to say I wouldn't find a lasting love and would never have the heart break again. Surely, fate will allow me to find my true love after the last one.
Maybe its time to be brave on this front as well.
