Being needed vs independent

I have always considered myself independent. I am proud that I can take care of myself as well as everything that I need to in my little part of the world. When I was married, he always said he didn't feel needed. So eventually, he found someone who needed him. But that is not the point of this post.

What's the difference between being needed and independence? To me, being needy and independent are polar opposites and cannot exist in one person.

I want my friends. I want to talk to, to listen to, to hang out with, to just be with. There are times that I feel I use my friends so much that I am not as independent as I believe I am.

While talking with a friend tonight, he referred to someone as independent and needy in the same sentence. And he was considering these positive traits to list.

I don't understand how you can be independent and needy at the same time. If you are independent, you handle things (whatever those things are) yourself. You don't rely on others to make those decisions and yet you know when to contact the professions to get the task done. You know that YOU are responsible for your happiness and don't rely on someone else to make you happy.

Being needy to me means that you can't accomplish stuff on your own. You can't make the decisions on your own. You NEED someone in your life who will handle your little corner of the world. You think you NEED someone in your life to make you happy and you are willing to bend to that persons wishes. You live to bend and turn yourself inside out to make that person happy. Even if you are not happy.

Maybe my perceptions of need and independence are screwed up. I don't NEED other people to take care of my little corner of the world (Professionals don't count, you need them). I can take care of my little world. I certainly don't need a man to do this for me. But I want a man who would be willing to share my world and make my world bigger by sharing his world with me.

Does this make me undesirable to the opposite sex? Is my independence scaring men off? What is it about the damsel in distress, "oh, I need to be rescued" woman that seems to attract all the guys?

Why does this conversation from tonight make me feel inferior and undesirable? Am I being too judgemental on myself and this other person? Probably. But am I supposed to change who I am, who I have become in order to possibly become more desirable? If I were to change who I am to be more like this person, would that make me more desirable to the opposite sex?

And if I have to change who I am to get a guy, why would I want him? Shouldn't someone who wants to be with you, want to be with the REAL you?

I am not expecting the answers to come easily, if at all. Just pondering needy vs. independence.

At 1 am no less. UGH.